Comments on: Why Parent’s Shouldn’t Pay For Their Kids’ College Education

By: rei

rei — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 17:48:00 +0000

I have a question to all you guys/girls who have paid/are paying for college on your own. What majors were you? I’m an engineering major and I would have a mental breakdown if I had to work my way through school. Of course, maybe I’m just not that smart. My tuition/books are covered through loans/scholarships, but I get help from my dad for living expenses(I live at home). The only work I do is research which doesn’t pay that much.

I’ve known a few engineering students who tried to work their way through school, but ended up withdrawing or having to change majors because it was too much. Were any hardcore science majors/engineers able to tough it out?

By: jane

jane — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 15:34:04 +0000

I will refuse to pay my kids’ college bills because I will still be paying my own college loans. I don’t believe college is the one size fits all band-aid. My husband makes 50,000 a year as a handyman. He has no school debt! Meanwhile, I’m struggling to find a job as a teacher that pays 40,000 a year and I have $115,000 in student loans. So, is college really the right financial choice? I’d have to say not for everyone. If I had known that then, I would have at least taken a year after high school to figure my life out. Attending college “undecided” is a colossal mistake. Only people who have a chosen career know whether or not they need to attend college.
I’d also like to add that my first year of college, I screwed up, but when I started footing the bill, I shaped up. I’m proud of the fact that I didn’t make my mom pay for my college because she doesn’t even have enough money to retire. I’d be angry if my children were selfish enough to dip into my retirement fund for their college.
College is a career decision made by adults who should be responsible for the costs and not just the benefits.
I can get married, have an abortion, vote, go to war, and smoke cigarettes at 18. Why shouldn’t I be responsible for both the benefits and costs of my career decision to attend college?

By: Joyce

Joyce — Sun, 01 May 2011 02:28:13 +0000

Free rides easily defeat motivation. That’s for just about anything in life.
My husband can attest to that, he started messing around in college and actually felt guilty about wasting his parent’s money and asked them to stop paying. It worked; he finished with his masters and a bit of debt which we paid off during our first year of marriage.

We are very middle class, never a lot of money. I chose to work part time while my children were young therefore money wasn’t plentiful. Now that I work full time our income is too high for her to receive aid-we’re starting to save more heavily for retirement. Only 2,500.00 was saved for college. She is commuting to a nearby state university daily and lives at home and works 20 hours a week, more during the summer. We pay all of her expenses, car, cellphone, room and board, books, any school fees (not tuition) insurance, a monthly allowance for gas and food during the school year but she pays for personal expenses (fun,, etc) and most importantly, her tuition . This makes it easy, other than some personal money, she only has to concentrate on tuition. This is incentive for her to apply for scholarships, which she has, and has received some, and it keeps things simple. She easily earns a good portion of her tuition by working. The rest, scholarships have taken care of. We are fortunate to live near enough to a state university so she can live at home. Even though she needs a car to commute, it’s a great savings compared to living away from home.

She’s just finishing her sophomore year, on the Provost (high honors) Dean’s list…again, and a great kid. My son will start college in a year, we plan on doing the same with him, he is fine with that. That means another car unfortunately, but it’s still a savings.

The plan is for both of the kids not to be saddled with debt after school, or very little. If they both do a good job, work hard, and have debt….mom and dad may help relieve them of some or most of it. I’m just keeping that a secret for now,.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 23:29:33 +0000

Hello all,
I am about to make the big jump from a community college to a private school but I have reached that terrible fork in the road to a B.A., financing it. I have worked full time at a dental office and attended night classes to get through my A.A. My mother lost her job, as did my father, and both are struggling financially. My boyfriend and I actually moved in to their basement and pay $500.00/month and so they can keep their house. Due to my mother’s large incentive (she worked for this insurance company for 33 years) their taxes reflect an income that is about $60,000 less a year and since I am under 24 (22) and not married I must include my parents on my fafsa. I am only being offered a $2500 loan for night classes, which does not even cover 1/6 th of the cost of tuition, and am fully aware that there is no way for me to afford to pay the out of pocket cost for tuition. Working full-time and taking night classes has had a toll on me. If it was an extremely bad day at work/surgery went late or if I couldn’t afford the gas (its a 25 min commute), I skipped class. I have managed to keep a 3.4 g.p.a but I am scared about how well I will perform when I start at a university as opposed to a community college. How can I ask my parents to help when they are not able to help themselves? Where can I turn to get help or should I just forget about going after a B.A. and be satisified with my A.A.? I realize that this post is a little off topic but any ideas or suggestions would be much appreciated!

By: Rose

Rose — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 13:24:18 +0000

Actually teaching responsibility started with the boys when they were young. They had to pick up their toys before nap time. They were reminded once. If they did not do it then when they were taking their nap, I did it and put the toys in the basement. When they asked for their toys I said I guess mom and dad had given them toys they were not old enough for yet. If they were old enough for those toys then they would have taken care of them. I made them think about it. Was mom and dad wrong and gave us toys too young or was I bad. The responsiblity thing started with the boys very young. Even before they were one years old. As soon as they could walk they were taught they toys went into the toybox before nap time. Even in Jr high or high school when they did something they were not suppose to do they would call me at work from school to tell me about it. The boys did not get in trouble for doing wrong they would get in trouble for not telling us about it and then making a decision about how to make the wrong right. I told them every one makes wrong decisions in their life but you know when it was wrong and you do everything to make it right. Even in high school I never told them they could not go to a party. They made a decision and when they could not drive I took them. They always had a dime in their pocket to call if they needed to come home. Several times they would call if drugs or alcohol was used at the party. It was their decision to go or to participate not mine. Every privledge has a responsibility. In high school they had to have a 3.5 also but also had 4 point or close to it. If their grades were good then they could play football, basketball, tennis and golf which they both loved. Both boys are grown and responsible men. One is a doctor and one is a guitar player and is part owner of a recording business where they also write music. I don’t know how parents do when they both have to work full time.

By: nick

nick — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 12:32:27 +0000

Hey MD –
I just want to share my side of the story.

I was raised from a different country by my grandparents. My single mom eventually brought me to N.America when I turned 18; she has the same belief like you – kids should pay for their own education and support themselves when they turn 18.

Though I did not agree with her thinking, I did not have a choice. I applied for student load and had worked part time while attending engineering at uni. Eventually, I lost steam due to time commitments at school and part time job…I had to drop out of school.

Since I dropped out, I had to pay back my student loan (it took me a few years). At this time, I was already living on my own. The trauma of failing again had made me take the longer route – I went to tech school and now pursuing a degree (on top of working full time and supporting a young family). Yes, I am still 1 semester away from getting an undergraduate (taking it part time). By the time I reach my dream of completing uni, I will be in my mid 30s.

While I did not expect my mother to pay for my education, what I wanted was acknowledgment that paying for my own education and supporting myself (including paying for rent) is a very tall order for a 1st gen immigrant. Looking back, it is amazing how a simple thinking about education can financially set back a person SIGNIFICANTLY. By no means I have deviated from my goal of getting post-secondary education but the circumstances and forces that are out of my hand seem to rob me of this dream.

To close my point, I do not agree with you. I think parents should help with their kids education to the best they can. Whether they pay for 4 years, 1 year or just provide moral support, IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE. With proper parenting, kids will appreciate the value of money and the meaning of love.

So to the folks out there who has read this up to this point, please consider what I just said because your kid could experience the same fate like me because of your thinking.

Lastly, in the corporate world, how many successful executives out there got help from their parents to get them through post-secondary vs none?

cheers

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 21:26:12 +0000

My father refused to disclose his personal information for FAFSA forms. So, while I could have easily qualified for financial aid, I couldn’t get it because:

1) Under the rules I couldn’t get independent status
2) I was blocked from getting financial aid

It was incredibly hard to pay for college coming out of high school. I think for parents that are not planning to contribute at all, they should at least allow kids to try and make it happen on their own. With my own children, I am saving enough to send them through a state university, but if they decide on a private college, they will have to find the difference through loans, grants, and scholarships. This way, they will have a good options for their undergrad, but still have to work for anything they desire beyond the option. If they do go on to post-grad, I would help them.

By: Prez

Prez — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 20:43:03 +0000

A person is a legal adult by the age of 18. Furthermore, even children under 18 can get abortions and birth control and legally the treating physicians not only don’t have to tell the parents, but in most cases are prohibited by law from doing so.

So why do parents have to pay for college?

The answer is because it is a government scam to destroy the middle class. There is no reason for the costs of education right now. But the poor have many need-based scholarships available to them so it doesn’t matter to the parents, they won’t pay anything anyway. The rich could care less, it’s a drop in the bucket for them.

For the middle class however, it is indeed a big deal. For an honest, tax paying, middle class income family college is absolutely crippling. So if you are a decent child, you’ll go to a state school and try to earn that money yourself, even if you can’t afford the full tuition and get help from parents, at least the costs are somewhat reasonable, especially if you’re commuting to a local state school. However, of course, these schools might not be the best ones you can get into, as in general the top schools are expensive privates, and the school name matters more than actually learning anything.

What should happen is anyone that turns 18, regardless of their living arrangement, becomes independent and can take the loans in their name. For graduate students, this is how the system is set up, so they can take loans in their names without causing problems for parents.

The reason why this isn’t done, is because the student loan cartel knows that, especially now, a college education for most people does not allow them a decent job in most cases, or in the current economic climate, any job. So rather than put themselves on the hook, as its’ supposed to be in a capitalist market, they want to socialize the losses and put it onto the taxpayer and the parents.

A lot of things are political. Higher education and student loan lending are two of the most powerful lobbying groups and interests in the country. They are strangling the economy but since they both have such powerful media campaigns and political lobbyists/contributors, they are exempt from a lot of normal rules.

I truly wish for things to be fixed. But for now, I suggest students go to lower ranked state schools or take full scholarships where possible at private schools, rather than take on loan debt. I think it’s an unfair burden on parents no matter what the case, but at least if the student goes to an IVY and maybe pays the parents back, that would be somewhat fair. I doubt most children ever pay their parents back, and in fact, in the US, children generally stick their parents into nursing homes rather than care for them too. Our society has a lot of problems right now that need to be fixed, and student loan lending is one area where it can start.

By: Lucy

Lucy — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:07:41 +0000

My investment in my daughters’ college educations began well before high school but especially during their high school years. I invest my time, my commitment, my knowledge, and my parental authority. I encourag extra-curricular activity and community service volunteering (many scholarships weigh heavily on the volunteer hours and activities). I expect good grades because I know they are capable of making good grades. I expect both to work part- time and pay for their luxuries. One daughter just graduated from high school. Her hard work, studying, and determination have paid off. She will start her college career with 12 hours of college credit through classes she took in high school. She will attend a private school where for 4 years her tuition, room, and board will be paid for by merit scholarships and grants. The rest (gas/insurance for her car, salon visits, eating out, etc…) she will earn by working on campus part-time. Odds are she will graduate debt-free.
Her younger sister is just beginning high school. She has her college goal in mind already. She’s already involved in extra-curricular activities and volunteers regularly in community service projects. She will start working part-time this fall.
Will I help my daughters pay for college? I already have by giving them the tools to succeed before they graduate from high school. Will I make sure they don’t starve, always have gas money to come home and visit, and health insurance while they are attending college? Of course!
Do I feel like parents should pay for a child’s entire college education? No. Entitlement thinking breeds dependency.
That’s my 5 cents (inflation you know)

By: mike

mike — Wed, 05 May 2010 22:35:13 +0000

I originally planned on joing army or going to work out of high school so I was content with having a B plus average most years. At end of grade 12 I decided that education was very important to me so I took a victory lap to improve marks and get accepted to a University I wanted to go to. I am going to University of Toronto next year but living at home because I decided residence woould be a waste of money (U of T $6000 a year, w/res $15000) I live 20 minutes awayfrom thge campus by transit, or 30 minute bike ride. I oroiginally believed that my parents were not going to pay for my education because I never talked with them about it so since 15 I have been storing away money. This year my parents told me they have can contribute about $12000 to my education and that they are trying to save more so that I will not have to pay. I want to pay for all of it but they insisted that they would try to pay for school fees (grad schooltextbooks, and residence, they said Id be on my own), I plan on moving out 3rd year. There is nothing wrong ith living at home during University. As for working in University, work keeps you discplined but it also can be demanding and tire you. As long as you realise that univesity is importaqnt because it wazs ytour choice, you should be fine. If your parents want to pay allow them to at least help. Believe it or not parents feel pride in helkping their children, Offer to at least cover some of their costs but if they have saved for your education and that was their plan let them help and follow the plan. Pay them back when your older if you feel guilty. I assume accepting or borrowing parents money is better than from a bank. Even if you live at home until 21 or 2 you won’t becom4 spoiled or lazy, but you will be in a better financial situation once you leave home and will not come crawling back home when its time for the debts to be paid becaue the debts will be minimal. I am also aware that schools in the U.S cost substantially more than in Canada. In Canada University for a B.A is between 4 and 7 grand a year, for tuition, and if you live oin res, add between 6-12 grand a year, as oppose to U.S.A where University is between 18 and 30 grand without residence fees